The True Nature of Being Alone
by Conterra-san
Summary: Zuko reflects on the curse of his life; always being left alone. Is he strong enough to brave this final turning point in the face of his loneliness? Set directly before the Eclipse, Zuko-centric.


A/N: The thoughts of Zuko, a totally amazing traitor and savior XD

**The True Nature of Being Alone**

Here he was. Facing another divergence—a rather crucial one, as well—in his path. It was a crossroad. A crossroad of destiny.

His uncle had told him—now it seemed years ago, had it really only been months, weeks even?—when he had been facing one once before. That it was his time to shape his own destiny and become the man who he would be, for always.

Maybe he hadn't been ready.

But Iroh had said it had been now, or never.

_But here's another one, Uncle. A time has come to shift my destiny once again. Should I make a new decision? Or continue with the old? _

_I wish you would guide me. . .but you won't talk to me. . .and I know why._

_This is definitely the last chance—last, last, last chance—for me to stop being angry. _

_How did I become so angry with myself? What could I have done? _

_What did I do?_

_Uncle, what did I do?!_

Zuko's fists burned brightly as his anger grew once more, mounting within him like the lava beneath an active volcano; always there, always ready to burst forth.

Was this his fate?

To remain alone?

He had been alone since he had first stepped foot on this earth. His mother had attempted to alleviate the curse, but she had been swept away by the power of his solitary aura. Then his Uncle had tried to accompany him on his journey, but his own pride, selfishness, and narrow-mindedness had destroyed that as well.

The Avatar. There had been the Avatar. He could have. . .but no. Again, his foolish pride. He had thought of nothing else but capturing the boy, or, at the very least, ignoring him.

Song. There had been Song. But, blinded by his need and desperation, he did not see her kindness or gentleness clearly. He had pushed on, stealing her ostrich-horse and probably hurting her terribly. Loneliness did not just belong to him.

Li. There had been Li, and his family. But his own nationality, and his reckless, hard-bitten, ruthless, cruel reputation had annihilated that as well.

Katara. There had been Katara. How he had ever learned her name, he would never remember. But she had offered. . .she had offered to help. If he had accepted. . .if he wasn't so stubborn or willful—he would probably be dead, but maybe just this once—he might have found something new. A new chance.

Jet. There had been Jet. That had been impossible. He was outcast, but he was still a firebender. His nationality, his doom, again.

Jin. There had been Jin. That too was impossible. It was his curse.

Azula. There had been Azula. And he had chosen her.

Mai. There had been Mai. And he had chosen her as well.

But he was still alone. His heart was empty, his mind was clear, and his soul was screaming.

Sure he cared for Mai. Sure, she cared for him. But it was clear that she could never understand him the way he wanted her too. She was too spoiled, too dispassionate, too confusing herself. She did not know him the way he wished her too.

And he should have known never to trust Azula. Azula was never a companion, and she could never be one.

So he had a new choice to make.

His own words echoed back at him: _I don't know if I know the difference between right and wrong anymore. _

_I don't!_ he screamed silently. _I don't know! Is this loneliness right?! Am I helping with the war effort? Am I saving my nation? Or am I standing by, slowly killing it?_

_Why am I so alone? __What did I do to deserve this? I don't understand!_

_Mother. . ._

_Uncle. . ._

_I don't understand! _

He paused, staring at his fists, roughened and calloused by years of intense training and hard work. Hard work done to earn his honor, to earn the right to live and breathe and die Fire Nation.

He looked around him at the red of his room, the red of his clothes, the red of the setting sun across the rim of the rusted volcano. This was his nation, everything he wanted, and all he could think: _Is the whole world bathed in blood?_

_Agni, can I understand _anything_, ever, if I stay here? _

_Why am I here? What do I have here? _

Iroh could escape. He knew his uncle to be that powerful. Maybe he could even help him escape.

Mai—Mai would live. It was best not to get her involved.

His father—he didn't want to think of his father.

And there lay the problem.

His father was not like Iroh. He was not sympathetic or understanding; wise or just. He was merely burning; burning with the fires of rage and hate; vengeance and duty.

His capacity for love had disappeared long ago.

Zuko's head snapped up, his eyes snapping like the very flames that consumed his father from the inside as the last bits of his confusion writhed within him.

Is that what he was supposed to understand? Love?

His father had done nothing but hate him. His uncle had done nothing but love him.

He stood, suddenly confident in his purpose, confusion shrinking and dying at last. He would not be like his father. He would love and he would learn. He would follow in the footsteps of his uncle once he freed him, for that is what he had to do. There was a possibility that Iroh would refuse to come with him. But still, he had to do what he knew his uncle had wished for him all along. He would go after the Avatar, the boy who had once believed in a confused and proud teen hidden behind a mask.

Swiftly, darting around the room like he had made this decision years ago, he packed, ready in a matter of minutes.

A few minutes more, and a letter was written to Mai.

A few minutes more, and the eclipse would be upon them. He would think of his father this one last time. He would face him.

Zuko, Crown Prince to the Fire Nation and son of Ursa and Ozai, grandson of the Avatar Roku and Fire Lord Sozin, a heritage of the duality of love and hate, mercy and power, strode from the room, leaving his old beliefs behind him in the ashes of his quenched hearth fire.

He would not be alone. He would carry his love for his country, his mother and his uncle in his heart, and it would warm him.

He would find his own destiny on a path that had been so glaringly obvious from the outset, a path he had been too proud and too ignorant to see.

He would aid the Avatar in restoring the world to what it was meant to be.

Alone? Maybe. Forever? No. He would gain companionship in the proper place this time. With those who fought for what was just, and strong, and true.

He would cast his loneliness aside to save his country.

After all, isn't that what love is? In order to defeat his father, he had to love unconditionally and love is not selfish. Love is self-sacrificing.

With this thought, he opened the doors to his father's lockdown room, and came face-to-face with destiny, the final crossroad he had to undertake.

He would go the right way this time, he was sure of it.

A/N: Nothing much, just a drabble really of his thoughts before his desertion.

Zuko, I love you deeply. Too bad you aren't real XD. And belong to Mike and Brian.

~Conterra-hime


End file.
